hypochondria

I. being a hypochondriac is a feminist issue
there must be something wrong with me
                        wrong with us
always and especially when most functional
for what else are we?
we, such sorry, dependent creatures
if not to need,
if not for always needing
     nurturing
           validation
                 permission to exist
so never-endingly 
never-quite-enoughs
so, as my mind clicks imperceptibly into high gear
high on philosophy, political history, my own history
while i Engage
   embrace Knowing
                embody Power
                 (for self-knowledge is power, kind friends)
i go to the kitchen, like a good woman would
and invent myself an imagined eating disorder
so i can point to what is wrong with me
when frightened by my own brilliance

II. all we discuss is our dysfunction
I’m such a procrastinator, we say
I eat so unhealthily, we say
My arms are weak, we say
I turned in that paper the minute before it was due,
we deride ourselves
            one-down ourselves
short-sell ourselves
too frightened by our own brilliance
to look it square in the face,
as we should,
lip curled into intrepid grin

III. what’s so hard?
what’s so hard about amazing unchained?
why slink away?
from what do we hide our most zealous selves?

            [almost just got up for some disgusting dessert right there]

IV. i don’t know
which feels like a true thing to say
but ‘I don’t know’ has become a frustrating motif in my writing
a harbinger of my own unwillingness to take a stand
and dare to be right

V. so.

VI. 
i do know
i know that we are brilliant, magestic, vivacious people
i know that we have, thus far,
dared to befriend
dared to risk
dared to be wrong
dared to succeed

however,
daring is no longer enough

VII. it is time
time to stop questioning ourselves
and start questioning the obstacles we’ve invented for ourselves
because they are not legitimate
but we, in all our glory, we are!

so come with me
and to the tune of the erratic and dissonant galen tower bells
let’s sing our own praises
gleefully
so our hearts can tear free
from our own feigned mediocrity
and realize, suddenly, our own magnificence

            [and now it’s time for some real dessert]

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One Comment Add yours

  1. ahauge-bacon1233@charter.net says:

    Hi Savannah,

    I just read this post again. Nicely done! I like the positive ending.

    Love,

    Gramma

    It is 10F today, down from 30F, and a little cold for skiing. But I plan to go

    out tomorrow to the Tech main trails, which should be newly groomed with 10″ of

    new snow. And the National X-C ski races are over. There was just enough snow

    to hold them.

    —————————————–From: “The Savannah Bug Alights” To: Cc: Sent: Sat, 26 Dec 2015 19:43:05 +0000 Subject: [New post] hypochondria

    WordPress.com

    savannah rose posted: “I. being a hypochondriac is a feminist issue there must be something wrong with me wrong with us always and especially when most functional for what else are we? we, such sorry, dependent creatures if not to need, if not for always”

    Like

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