my heart hurts
from pounding deeply
as I turn and toss
roll and squirm restlessly
the whole night through

my heart hurts
as it has beat to a seeming thousand
similarly sleepless sunrises
anxiety’s drill sargeant my alarm clock
rat-a-tat-tatting deep into
my exhausted bones

my mind whirs, clicks and grumbles
jostled forward by irregular and unceasing
doubleshots of cortisol,
dragged against its will

i’ve got a playlist of failures, traumas and regrets
on shuffle right now
finding an easy home in my tired, defenseless brain
wracked by this horrid looping GIF
that neither tea nor body scans nor warm bagels can chase away

written in late November, 2015

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