Today I signed away my life on the solid line

(not exactly my life, but 10.5 post-grad months) to a program called Life Together. I signed away doubt about my immediate post-grad future, I signed away a barnacle of perfectionism (because no matter how great a program is, it’s never perfect), I signed away last-minute decisions and new-sprung opportunities, I signed away reckless travel adventures (for the time being) and I signed away the restless part of me that yearns for something completely careening towards the wild side. Outside, it is snowing in great ponderous flakes winding their way down through the shades-of-white sky. Today I made the decision to make a decision. I signed for the Savannah of this semester that wants to spend senior spring friendshipping instead of job applicating. I signed for my grandparents who I love dearly but won’t see unless I stay here. I signed for the interlocking communities I’ve wound my way into whose remnants, at least, will remain in the greater Boston area. I signed for the people I will grow deeply with in intentional house community. I signed for my parents so they needn’t worry that wild-side careening will lead to more trashed joints. I signed for a titanium-strong support network because, let’s be real, I’m still kind of a hot mess and need lots of help, though in so saying I feel weak. I signed for fellowship and co-habitational discord. I signed for figuring it out as I go along. I signed for leaning into my discomfort. I signed for struggle, but I also signed for love. And ultimately, I signed for me.

(Sorry. I just had to wrap that up into a bow. Which goes to show how far I have to go in seeing my life as open-ended instead of limitingly tracked.)

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. ahauge-bacon1233@charter.net says:

    Hi Savannah,

    Good work! I’m glad you are going to stay in Boston, where you have good friends and grandparents. Hopefully it will be a time for you to learn new skills, relate to people who need your help, and be with your grandparents regularly. The wider world can wait.

    Leif, Jean and Stefan are here, skiing and digging a cave in the impressive pile of snow in front of the house. Stefan misses you, doing that together!

    We send our love and good wishes,

    Gramma

    —————————————–From: “the savannahbug alights” To: Cc: Sent: Fri, 5 Feb 2016 20:09:43 +0000 Subject: [New post] Today I signed away my life on the solid line

    WordPress.com

    savannah rose posted: “(not exactly my life, but 10.5 post-grad months) to a program called Life Together. I signed away doubt about my immediate post-grad future, I signed away a barnacle of perfectionism (because no matter how great a program is, it’s never perfect), I signed”

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    1. Thanks, grandma 🙂

      Like

  2. mos-health says:

    Hey! I so like the way you think and express your thoughts! [Keeping in mind your just previous post, perhaps it is more accurate to say that when you write, I am able to “read” you more clearly and think more clearly.] I heard and read about Life Together a while ago when I was searching for some resources for another young adult at a similar turning point in her life. I just looked at their website again (following the link in your blog post), and it looks like a rich opportunity. Blessings on the Way, my friend. – Michael

    Like

    1. Thank you, Micheal! (and nice catch (: ). Yes, it is a wonderful program. And they’re still taking applicants! You should encourage any such young people that you know to go right ahead and keep on applying!

      Liked by 1 person

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