(not exactly my life, but 10.5 post-grad months) to a program called Life Together. I signed away doubt about my immediate post-grad future, I signed away a barnacle of perfectionism (because no matter how great a program is, it’s never perfect), I signed away last-minute decisions and new-sprung opportunities, I signed away reckless travel adventures (for the time being) and I signed away the restless part of me that yearns for something completely careening towards the wild side. Outside, it is snowing in great ponderous flakes winding their way down through the shades-of-white sky. Today I made the decision to make a decision. I signed for the Savannah of this semester that wants to spend senior spring friendshipping instead of job applicating. I signed for my grandparents who I love dearly but won’t see unless I stay here. I signed for the interlocking communities I’ve wound my way into whose remnants, at least, will remain in the greater Boston area. I signed for the people I will grow deeply with in intentional house community. I signed for my parents so they needn’t worry that wild-side careening will lead to more trashed joints. I signed for a titanium-strong support network because, let’s be real, I’m still kind of a hot mess and need lots of help, though in so saying I feel weak. I signed for fellowship and co-habitational discord. I signed for figuring it out as I go along. I signed for leaning into my discomfort. I signed for struggle, but I also signed for love. And ultimately, I signed for me.
(Sorry. I just had to wrap that up into a bow. Which goes to show how far I have to go in seeing my life as open-ended instead of limitingly tracked.)