thinking and becoming

i have agonized and hemmed and hawed about posting on here for far too long. perhaps if i post something, i will stop agonizing about whether or not i am posting something. welcome to the experiment!

this poem (and prompt) from my advent poetry challenge, written december 21st. 

thinking and becoming 

things I’ve thought i was:

  • socially incompetent
  • smart
  • attractive
  • not humble enough
  • abuser
  • manipulative
  • kind
  • loving
  • giving
  • greedy
  • emotional-work sponge
  • empathetic
  • good listener
  • bad listener
  • painfully self-conscious
  • self-confident
  • creative
  • original
  • trope-reproducing machine
  • tall
  • skinny
  • weighs too much
  • fundamentally happy
  • deeply lonely
  • unable to form lasting relationships
  • self-centered
  • violent
  • non-violent
  • nitpicky
  • controlling
  • dominating
  • steamrolling of others
  • damaged
  • victim
  • empowered
  • just an effing person
  • hard worker
  • cannot-stop worker
  • only-able-to-find-meaning-in-work worker
  • scared of relationships
  • scary in relationships
  • willing to have conflict
  • bad at conflict
  • angry
  • driven
  • motivated
  • intense
  • loyal
  • writer
  • organizer
  • activist
  • radical
  • fundamentally conservative
  • not radical enough
  • afraid of risks
  • effortlessly unafraid of dying
  • terrified of dying
  • terrified of not having done enough
  • not enough centered on relationships
  • painfully prioritizing relationships
  • incompetent at relationships
  • trying in relationships
  • trying
  • just a humyn bean ♥

what I was trying to become through all of that soul-excavating:

  • a worthy person

what I have always been:

  • enough

what I wish I could do:

  • have faith in that
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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Soren Hauge says:

    This humyn bean affirms that you’ve always been enough. And can relate to how hard it can be to feel that.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kat Griffith says:

    And HONEST! Thank you for your post — I love you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. mos-health says:

    You continue to be a careful observer of and caring commentator on your human condition, and I am both encouged and challenged.

    Liked by 1 person

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